I been listening to ladies of the blues era. What they present to me is truth about love and life. The messages touch my heart and makes me look at myself. Billie Holiday, Bessie Smith, Ella Fitzgerald, and Lena Horne are some of the ladies of the blues that has paved the way for Mary J Blige, Ciara, and Cardi B. Media makes me look at myself as I’m not good enough. As I was reading an article about advertising, it made me look at the misinterpretations of advertising. I’m not 20 anymore and I don’t want to be either. I had the body and no brains at an earlier age. My experiences constantly showed me I needed substance beside sex and lies. There are times today my thinking reverts back to the superficial times in my youth. Truth is I was a lost soul saved by grace. If I don’t embrace being a friend to myself today, I will be leaving a legacy of blues to my generation. The blues comes when I compare myself to others. And the funny thing is the other females I compare myself to are messed up. I been listening to the ladies of blues and hearing their words in their songs. These queens were naturally beautiful and shared their true feeling. My aunt named me after the Queen of Soul-Aretha Franklin. My name alone gives me quality. The work has to be done constantly on my self-esteem. It is ok to admit I don’t know where my life is heading towards. I do have some basics I can rely on regardless of my uncertainty such as steady prayer, healthy eating, engaging with my family, learning new information of the world, rest, engage in my hobbies, and laugh at my crazy thoughts. I may not had had a record or a CD out but my life would be named Drama Queen. The blessing in the Drama Queen era is I becoming the woman of God I was meant to be. I’m coming from one place of confusion to a place of contentment and peace. There are times I want to look like Beyoncé but I don’t have the money. I desire her riches but I don’t want the responsibilities she has to obtain the riches. There is a signature and personality make-up that spells out my name. I’m learning from my ladies of the blues to embrace love. And my new sisters on the scene of R and B to embrace my beauty. If it wasn’t for the blues I wouldn’t be able to find out about joy.
I don’t have to turn on the television or go on social media to see a celebrity. I can look in the mirror. I can sing when I want to, dance when I want to, act when I want to but the best gift I have is being myself. I am recognized by fans that are my family and friends. There are certain trade marks that a celebrity possesses. If a reporter was to ask your friends and family about you, what would they say? A better question what can I say about myself? I’m a star because my insides shine and dim. I have star moments when my self-esteem rises to the roof. I love my taste in jewelry, clothing, and music. It reflects maturity and growth over the years of my life. I have a personal signature that no one can copy. My DNA would print out creativity, love, laughter, family, sadness, passion, heritage, diversity, courage, meekness, insanity, royalty, energy, spirituality, understanding, rage, flexibility, exploration, unity, open-minded, empathy, misunderstood, and hopeful. The world was waiting for me and I was waiting to see the world. I leave an impression or experience on individuals I meet. I want to continue to grow; I deposit in others what is inside me. My stage is where my feet has been planted. My tour has been the different stages of my life. I have a new tour coming soon so I have to use new material and resources to perform in my life. My tours will be remembered by the generations after me.
If I was to make a list in my younger years of what I wanted, I would be short-changed. Getting up and sincerely praying to God to show me what I need to do makes my day so simple. True friendships and family wasn’t on my list in my earlier years. Trials and errors of my selfish ways. The world was mine and I was exempt from all danger. I had the power of God. And it was the Power of God that saved me from many deaths. I thank God for the saving grace on my reckless tour. I have often wanting to go concerts that have promoted by media and radio. And I often praised the stars that was going on tour. I had a long tour myself called “Danger.” So today the unexpected blessings has come from changing and accepting my pass life. I also have enjoyed happiness along with pain from my pass. And my definition of happiness has changed greatly. Great medical care is a blessing. Age brings physical conditions. I’m able to see the age 51. Wisdom and a peace of mind is priceless. I have had more material objects in the past but no contentment. Some of my blessings have found me. I remember praying to God for certain things in my life. Time has passed and I didn’t see it. As I’m going on with my daily life, God presents me with request. My delayed blessings are on time because I’m ready for them. I have talents and skills that have developed later in life for me. If I knew when the blessings would come, I wouldn’t enjoy them. I would act happy for a short period of time. My unexpected blessings are long-lasting. There are blessings within the blessings. My family and friends gain from my blessings. I get up in the morning with the expectation of more unknown blessings. I have a new tour called “Great Expectations.” I’m looking forward to meeting new people on my tour.
Am I officially in school when my name is on the registrar list? That has been the case for some time knowing I had official records in a drawer with my information inside a folder. Here lately my institution of learning has been applying my unique skills to everyday situations. I often engage with people. Here is the fear: I engaging with people in a more helpful way. I am getting out of my familiar box of being safe. I’m not a shy person. The core fear is I’m afraid of getting close to others because it hurts to be rejected and not loved. My institution is the world I’m living in. Today lesson is to get out of the familiar setting I have been in: bedroom. I have an instructor name God that guides me in different locations. Today just happen to be my former school, a local community college. One of my assignments was to express my thoughts on being a natural woman and sharing my experiences on traveling other places besides North Carolina. I do have some textbooks at the house that I read from time to time and also I’m brushing up on my Spanish. This morning the radio was dedicating honor to Aretha Franklin. Her songs always reflect love and her struggles as a woman. Authenticity is what she would always bring to me. I desire to activate my true treasures inside me so my Authenticity can be present. I start off with finding out what my hobbies are. I also like meditating to gospel music, working out, and writing. I love observing people’s behavior. There is a story in how a person walk and talk.
My gifts come in strange ways and packages. In a day I find I have a new task waiting for me to discover the truth about myself. This is where my interactions with others helps me to grow. I can wake up feeling gloomy and wanting to welcome the pity party. Having people to tell me the truth is one of the gifts I am presented. Now it is up to me to activate the morals and values of God and my family to receive the other gifts. Prayer has been a great source for me- powerful but simple. I found out I don’t have to make prayer complicated. It is a sincere with my God asking for help and also giving thanks for the miracles that has already been taken place. The past is a marker in life for me to know what to do in my present situation. Good change also brings anxiety and stress too. So there is a routine I have which helps me sort out my feelings. I always hear something so simple that helps me bring my perspective into clear vision. Today I’m finding out my most valuable treasures has been with me all along. Wisdom is a long journey of learning from my mistakes and accepting them.
One of the definition of relationships is the relation connecting or binding participants in a relationship. My life has evolved around relationships since I been born. The shaping and molding of my beliefs, values, morals and traditions has come from the influence of family. It is amazing as an infant how we as individuals develop our personalities and habits. The beginning of my interaction with my family and the neighborhood holds keys to the locked doors in my life. There is always a place, person, thing, or event that triggers a childhood memory. I wonder what the little girl in me would say to the present me?